I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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