They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
