he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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