Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
