Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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