I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
