giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
