And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
