Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize