he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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