I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
