Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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