I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
