it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
