connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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