Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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