i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
