DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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