well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
