Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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