Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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