is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
