Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I can't turn off my feet"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
