Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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