the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
