My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize