I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
