I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
