How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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