Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
