well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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