last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
