I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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