I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
