Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
