And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
