Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
