Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
