I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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