i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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