:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Randomize
