just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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