if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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