he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
