Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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