PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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