running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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