Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
