Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
