dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
