At least make sure they are 18
Why
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
