You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
