dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
