What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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