batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
