Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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