didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Can I color on your dick again?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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