so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
