My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
