the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
