what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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