Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
