fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
